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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790856">Learning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mssrj_335/pseuds/mssrj_335'>mssrj_335</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>FinnPoe Purple Prose [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>As a thought device, Families of Choice, Finn-centric (Star Wars), Finn-positive, Finntrospection, Fluff, Found Family Feels, Hopeful tones, Kind of a character analysis?, M/M, Mentions of past injury, Physical and emotional scars, Purple Prose, Soft Mornings, Unlearning behavior, as a little treat, mentions of guilt, sort of idk how tags work guys i'm bad at them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:22:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mssrj_335/pseuds/mssrj_335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn usually wakes up first. Sometimes, his thoughts get the better of him, but there's always something to pull him back</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>FinnPoe Purple Prose [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744870</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Learning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TLDR i was thinking about Finn too hard, wondering what goes on in his head</p><p>maybe it's something like this?</p><p>the tax thing is a tiny reference to another story of mine: tell me again; not required reading</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The world is churning outside. In the distance, he can hear the sounds of people milling about, chattering in their work, and the gentle sound of rain and rolling thunder. But it’s soft, intermittent, and Finn feels only the tiniest bit guilty. There are others to help lead, not everything is squarely on his shoulders anymore. He’s not entirely sure what it is to have a family, but this feels like something close. A lifetime of First Order training is no easy thing to shed. He still wakes too early, works too long. Thinks too much or too little. There’s always work to be done, especially now. It’s one battle after another. Sometimes, Finn feels like he’s losing sight of the light at the end.</p><p> </p><p>Finn rolls to his side and lets his eyes go where they may, trying not to let those feelings smother him. He lights on the strands of silver in Poe’s hair, the creases at the corners of his eyes, the scars on his shoulder, his hand and back. Years of conflict show on his skin, a roadmap of choices, mistakes and success. Finn briefly wonders if his own battles show like that. Sure, he’s got a few scars himself but they don’t seem to read the same way Poe’s do. Maybe some of his own internal battles are starting to surface. Is that something else the First Order lied about? Does it show when a stormtrooper dies and he has to tamp down on the little voice screaming <em>it’s you it’s you why don’t you save them too, traitor?</em> Do boxes show on his skin from all the compartments he’s made to shove those feelings into? Just more things he’ll have to face. Someday. If he’s brave enough. In his darkest moments, Finn’s not sure he’s brave enough. He reads each scar as a failure, a decision he could’ve made quicker, something he should’ve trained harder for.</p><p> </p><p>But maybe that’s perspective? There’s always hope there with it. He’s learning, to see the good in his choices too, the success in his battles. He’s learning to shift his perspective, to see past the perfection the First Order required of him. It warms him to know he’s not a tool anymore. He’s a <em>person</em>, allowed to be imperfect and scarred, even if it takes some reminding. This family he’s made let him do that, hold him together as surely as he holds them together. Being a part of something he finally believes in makes it easier to be brave. If he really lets himself revel in it, then there’s always something to kick him back on track, to feed that endless spark of hope in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>This is one of those things. A gentle morning, an easy waking from dreams, no klaxon blaring. No need to rush, not really. Poe’s still next to him, breathing softly, the usual set of his jaw slack. Their bed is warm, light dim and low as it filters through the cracks in the window, under the door. Much like his feelings, slipping through the cracks in him. He wonders how Poe sees the marks in his skin. Does he see the things Finn’s learned, the changes he’s made, how much he’s grown?</p><p> </p><p>Finn snorts softly at himself and smiles, tracing a finger down Poe’s shoulder. Sometimes, he wishes these kinds of thoughts would just stay down; he feels vulnerable and a little bit like a sap. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. He’s still learning that, too. His past makes it hard for him to see, and be seen. But Poe sees him. There’s not a mask in the galaxy that could fool him. Not about this. Not once they finally figured it out.</p><p> </p><p>Despite his gentle touch, Poe stirs, burrowing further in the pillows and into Finn’s side. His heart aches a little; he wants more and lets himself have it. He slides his arm over Poe’s side, pulling him a bit closer than he was. Poe mumbles sleepily, readjusting to mirror Finn’s position, shuffling down the bed just far enough to tuck his face into Finn’s neck. Finn rests his chin on the top of Poe’s head and sighs. Not in a bad way, just content.</p><p> </p><p>“I can hear you thinkin’ up there,” Poe murmurs.</p><p> </p><p>His lips brush Finn’s skin, stubble tickling his neck, and Finn smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I’ll turn it down,” he replies, pressing a kiss into Poe’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>Poe chuckles just a bit, low and sleep-rough. He returns Finn’s kiss, no heat or urgency, just the same kind of contentedness smeared into his skin, so much like a balm for all those metaphorical scars.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a tax for thinkin’ about things too hard before you’re out of bed.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought that was for looking.” His smile widens and he shuffles, squeezes Poe close. It’s too busy a day for that little game but maybe later.</p><p> </p><p>Definitely later.</p><p> </p><p>“Might amend the policy then.” Poe kisses his neck again and it makes Finn shiver, but Poe seems to be happy enough with just that. “What’s on the agenda for today, General?”</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t want to think about it just yet, doesn’t want to get out from under the covers or think or move. As soon as they get out of that bed, they’ll be off, running into the next day chasing the same kind of hope that’s gotten them this far. But he doesn’t want to think about battles and bad guys or scars or choices. He knows he has to when the day starts and <em>stars</em> he just wants this. Nothing but the present. It’s selfish, but right now he doesn’t really care. And he’s learning that’s ok, too.</p><p> </p><p>“Ask me in ten minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>Like always, Poe’s in his head, in sync in a way Finn can’t put words to. Poe’s hand trails up his back and rests on his shoulder, heavy and comforting.</p><p> </p><p>“Make it fifteen.”</p><p> </p><p>The outside world is starting to call. In the distance, he hears ships firing up and the first missions of the day are already underway in the rain.Yes, the First Order is a lot to shed. He’s still awake too early and thinking too much. But his makeshift family is right there with him, fighting for the same thing he is. He’s fighting to find his place, who he is and where he belongs. And right now, it feels like right here.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anyway, lmk what you think<br/>i love to talk about finn</p></blockquote></div></div>
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